I’ve decided to take an indefinite hiatus from writing Children of BFFH. Thank you to everyone who’s followed the story this far. For anyone interested, I’ll be writing a Star Wars fanfic here: https://www.deviantart.com/jovialtimes
As I listened to Rona ramble about her favorite parts of our camping trip, I smiled, glad that she had fun. We had spent the last two days playing the VR games that the quadruplets and Momma Mila had made, and the quadruplets had assured us that they were going to make it even better for the next time we tried it, though I had plenty of fun wandering the alien environment already. We’d be arriving home shortly, and then Rona and Layla would go to their homes tomorrow.
We were driving, instead of just stepping home through one of Valeria’s doorways, because Momma Emma had declared that driving was part of the camping experience before we even set out. I didn’t complain. Since I rarely left home, having a chance to see the different places on the way was interesting, and I had a better feel for where we were after actually traveling there. I wouldn’t bet on my ability to fly home quickly, but I was reasonably confident that I’d manage within a day, given that Best Friend For Hire was really noticeable from the air. The large, forested area next to the yard could be missed within the city.
Looking over at Valeria, I was glad to see that she was looking more relaxed again. She had been a little tense around Ben and his family, probably worried that she wasn’t acting human enough. She had improved greatly since we had met. Thinking about the quick, jerky movements she had exhibited when I met her, she actually had adjusted amazingly quickly. Of course, I couldn’t be too surprised with Momma Cosette teaching her. Even having grown up around Momma Cosette, I still found her a bit intimidating. Four had once told me that Slayer blood and vampirism were an exceptional mix that gave Momma Cosette a tremendous edge over vampires near her age, but her training was what really made her fantastic. He might have just been encouraging me to continue working hard with my studies, but I still marveled at how Momma Cosette always managed to appear a little dangerous. Would Valeria be like that eventually?
“Stormcrow, we’re here!” exclaimed Rona as she grabbed my arm with one hand while pointing with her other.
I smiled and nodded. There always was something wonderful about being home. I did like seeing new places and revisiting old ones, but nowhere else ever seemed quite as comfortable as home. As I grabbed my things from the room Valeria opened next to the car, I couldn’t help thinking about how much studying I’d need to do after having a whole week off. Plus, Doc’s birthday was barely more than a week away, and I hadn’t prepared for it yet, though I did have some ideas on what to make for her.
Walking with Rona to drop off our stuff in my family’s rooms, I debated with myself on going through with designing an outfit as Mom had suggested or on making her a new ornament for her room. The downside with making clothing was that Deo often made clothing, and I never felt like I designed outfits as well as Deo. Furthermore, Ella occasionally made outfits for gifts, and competing with her for artistic flair was like trying to outwit Crazy. I’d have better odds at wrestling a polar bear. Making a new figurine for her room was a safer choice.
After unpacking my bags, I asked Momma Mila if anyone else had decided what they were making for Doc. After hearing that Deo was making Doc a new pair of shoes and Ella was making a figurine of Holly Wood, I was really glad that I asked.
“Oh, wow! I didn’t know her birthday was on the ninth! I need to make her something. Momma Mila, can you check with my mom about attending the party?” asked Rona with a pleading look.
“You’ve already been approved. I set that up at the same time as the camping trip.” replied Momma Mila.
“You could’ve warned me!” complained Rona with a cute pout.
“I did. If you look more than a week ahead on your calendar, you’ll find there are many events listed.” stated Momma Mila with an amused tone.
“Oh. My mistake.” she replied, still pouting. She was getting better at not trying to argue with Momma Mila. That was always going to be a losing battle, considering that Momma Mila was practically all-seeing. Looking at me, Rona grinned and asked “So what are we going to do now?”
Smirking, I told her “I bet it’s on your calendar.”
She rolled her eyes and sighed.
Laughing, I said, “I figured we’d play some Ancient Tribes of Earth with the others. A whole lot might have happened in the game while we were away, and we need to keep our city running smoothly.”
Rona nodded. “Good point.” Then she grabbed my hand and pulled me out of the room. “Let’s go!”
I got her to slow down once we were in the hall, but Rona was obviously excited about getting back on her necromancer. As she bounced along, she explained her plans for creating a new type of undead. Unsurprisingly, the unholy lands were very beneficial for a necromancer’s craft, but I hadn’t realized that one of our exploration teams had found research notes from an ancient necromancer. Rona had been looking over them before the camping trip, and thought she could implement some of the rune patterns to create more powerful versions of her zombies and skeletons. Considering how strong they already were, I was looking forward to seeing what she could pull off. I was somewhat tempted to get Crazy or Messy to look over the information, certain that they’d see something that Rona and I missed, but I didn’t want to ruin Rona’s fun either. She was surprisingly good with her character and certainly had a passion for her creepy craft. Ultimately, I decided to hold off on asking for help unless Rona got stuck on something.
After a wonderful dinner fixed by Aid and Eléa—Aid was primarily there to supervise team Eléa due to her lack of cooking experience—we unanimously voted to continue playing the game the quadruplets had made, since it was new to us and exceptionally beautiful. To my surprise, even the adults were joining in as their own team. Ben’s parents hadn’t tried a virtual reality game before, not that I was surprised to hear it. Emma and Cosette had insisted on having them try, given that Ben’s parents were actually gamers too.
Messy handled making suits for the adults with absolutely no effort that I could see. Within a second of hearing the request, the suits were sitting next to each person, appearing in a puff of darkness, but that was Messy. Having spent far more time with the other kids for the past half year, I was used to them, as much as was possible for someone who didn’t live there.
Though typically a team by herself, Eléa was stuck on my team with Stormcrow, Aika, and myself as some sort of rock-studying person. Stormcrow was our medic, Aika was security, and I was the pilot of the Artemis V spacecraft, who now acted as extra hands for any project. Apparently, I was also supposed to be some type of engineer, but piloting was way cooler. I loved flying. If the quadruplets had made a VR suit for my bird form, I’d be acting as a scout for the group, flying around right now.
“Wow.” muttered Stormcrow, instantly getting my attention.
“What is it?” I asked, kneeling down to look at the plant he was holding.
“I obviously don’t have a name for it, but the compounds in this plant would cause paralysis if even a little were eaten. A nice size bite would kill a person quickly. I really don’t feel like this planet is a good fit for humanity.” stated Stormcrow with a grin. He was having as much fun with this game as I was.
Looking around at the vibrant blue and purple trees, I said, “But it’s beautiful!”
“Sure, but beautiful and deadly still doesn’t sound too great for humans. That’s the type of combination you want to lure us here to be killed.” he stated, trying to look serious despite still having a slight smile.
I rolled my eyes at him before saying, “Maybe, but the quadruplets meant for this game to be survivable. There has to be…”
“Incoming!” exclaimed Aika, interrupting our conversation.
I didn’t see anything until I followed her pointing finger where a… thing… was rapidly approaching us. I quite nearly changed forms out of reflex after the creature easily knocked over a crooked tree that was slightly in its path. The creature’s shape was somewhat like a huge gorilla, but its hide was lizard-like with scales of different shades of green and brown. The giant arms of the creature ended in four-fingered hands that were tipped with enormous claws. Large eyes sat too high up on its head, and there were only slits for a nose. Aika took a few shots with her firearm before jumping and rolling out of the way. The creature’s face practically split in half as it roared, revealing a couple rows of sharp teeth.
“What do we do!?” I asked Stormcrow in horror, knowing he couldn’t just zap it for me. His magic wouldn’t affect the game world.
Without saying a word, he grabbed my hand and pulled me behind a tree with him. I could tell from his face that he was trying to solve our problem, but he actually looked a little panicked too.
“Guys, what is that thing!?” exclaimed Eléa over the suit’s radio.
“A monster!” I told her immediately, earning an amused look from Stormcrow.
“More like…” started Aika before a loud roar interrupted her. “A very… angry… animal.”
“You stick that thing in any horror movie, and it’s a monster.” I insisted, easily imagining people running from the creature.
“Any ideas on how to stop it?” questioned Stormcrow before she could argue again.
Aika was continuing to shoot at the creature off and on, but it only seemed to make the thing angrier, considering it wasn’t dead yet.
“Hiding. Hiding is still good.” I told him, not really wanting to go out there.
Eléa then said, “Normally, I’d distract it and run away, but I can’t really do that now. If bullets aren’t even hurting it, I don’t know what would.”
“It is bleeding.” insisted Aika as she dodged around and continued taking shots.
“Why doesn’t this game have drones?” asked Stormcrow. “I could try force-feeding it some of the deadly flora.”
Still fighting, Aika managed to stay with the conversation as she moved. “Excellent suggestion… but we’d… have to… know which plants… to make the lost drone… worthwhile.”
Grabbing Stormcrow, I said, “Be a doctor! Tell her how to hurt it, quick!”
“That’s not what medical doctors do, but…” he considered, looking like he was reading something on his display after taking another peek at the creature. “Huh. Space doctor. I am supposed to have extensive knowledge of numerous anatomies. The skull’s probably too thick to shoot through easily with your weapon. Aim for the neck or just below the neck. I guess its heart is there.”
“Okay.” stated Aika.
To my surprise, she stopped firing as much. When I peeked out, I saw her dodge a swipe of the creature’s claws. Then she jumped up onto a boulder before dodging again and jumping onto an even higher boulder. Right when the creature looked up at her, she unloaded her weapon into it. Despite seeing the creature fall over, I couldn’t help feeling surprised that she finished it off that easily. Had she been holding back this whole time to see what we’d do, or was shooting it where Stormcrow said just that effective?
“So Mr. Medic, want to try salvaging anything useful from this thing?” questioned Aika with a grin.
Stormcrow shrugged and pulled out his toolkit. Then Eléa and I took up position to help Aika keep an eye out for any more raging monsters in case her fight drew attention rather than scaring creatures away. No matter how much time I spent with these kids, life just wasn’t dull.
“Crazy, you’re up.” stated Four as he shoved another perimeter rod into the ground.
“I know, I know.” I told him, flopping my arm down to flick a pebble at the beasties. Two of the large lizard-ish things died instantly. The third one looked around in a panic before another pebble claimed it too. There was no way I could worry about protecting Four or Messy from beasties of this caliber. If there was actually something on this virtual planet that could challenge Messy, the suit wouldn’t be able to handle her response. That much would be obvious even if I hadn’t studied the design, which was admirable.
The quadruplets really were brilliant. If they had access to everything I knew, they might come up with something truly mind-blowing to me. Having seen technologies on numerous other worlds, I admired their ingenuity more than most of their creations. This game really was top-notch though, but that was largely due to Momma’s programming, which was where my begging came in.
“You are perfectly aware that I don’t need to be a botanist in the game to realize the potential of those vines, Momma!” I insisted. “Please, just let me look at the scan of it.”
“Serenity Malice, you can wait until after the game’s conclusion. Even then, I’ll have to check with your grandmother.” stated Momma, as if she ever had to wait to speak with grandmother. Those two were probably having a dozen conversations about me, planning more steps for Best Friend For Hire in the greater universe, arguing parenting tips, debating philosophy, watching a few thousand shows together, having a few dozen heated arguments, comparing simulations on entire universes, and trillions of things independent of one another.
Momma very well might be saving an entire galaxy on her own while I was stuck here, not even allowed to look at the data on a rather intriguing-looking vine. If I could visit wherever she stole that plant from, I would understand how it functioned the instant it was within range of my magic, but I wasn’t even asking for that much, not that sending me there would take any effort from Grandma Death. Grandma Death could just implant the info into my noggin whenever she wished, even giving me memories of discovering the information as if I had traveled to see the plant in person, though she was more likely to show me comical instances of beings dying to the plant.
Even as part of my mind was focused on new arguments, I had to admit to myself that Momma knew precisely where I was going to use those vines. I was already formulating hundreds of ways to incorporate my “shock troops” into our battles. Stormcrow and Maimo would easily recognize the current and warn the others, so I’d have to create the shock troops and charge them on the fly.
“Oh.” I stated aloud, already feeling my mouth spread into a grin. I doubted that I had mentally simulated the vines perfectly, but I did give myself a new weapon by finding a possible way to create a living capacitor. My grin only spread more as I mentally simulated different combinations of chemicals with the plants I knew.
“Do I want to know?” questioned Momma with a sound of concern.
I mentally asked Grandma Death to share my work with Momma, since Momma and I didn’t have a convenient way to mentally communicate.
“Ah. I’m warning Emma.” replied Momma immediately. “Also, you’re forbidden from giving your Momma a shock greater than the average static discharge.”
“Of course! I wouldn’t want to hurt Momma Emma.” I pouted, feeling that was a bit unfair.
“I’m just stating things clearly for you, sweetheart.” replied Momma with that tone she always uses to comfort me.
Jumping, I caught a branch and swung to another tree when Messy turned to stare at me.
“Not that.” she told me, projecting herself into my mind. “What did you just share with Sis?”
I grinned again, knowing that she could see me.
“Four,” she said aloud to get his attention, “we might have a problem. Crazy just came up with something troublesome.”
He didn’t even pause in his work, shoving another rod into the ground after glancing at the previous one to check for clearance. “Doesn’t she do that roughly every other second?”
I almost argued, but he wasn’t precisely wrong from his perspective.
“Yes,” agreed Messy immediately before saying, “but this was something Sis wanted to know about, which makes me worry.”
They both worried too much. If I really plotted something terrible, the Boss would lecture me for a week. He had actually done that once when I was ten months old. I had gotten angry at Momma Emma for telling me off while I was playing. Most people would probably be appalled by the idea of lecturing a baby, but I was capable of killing before I was born. What else would be expected of Death’s granddaughter? Grandma Death had reversed time for me, undoing the damage that brief instant of anger had done, but the Boss was the one who took the time to explain why I needed more self-control. Even as a baby, I had found listening to him enrapturing, largely due to his magic, I’m sure.
I smirked as I remembered the day I had called the Boss “the second most dangerous being in existence”, which was also when I realized that the Boss didn’t like being thought of that way. I could remember the wave of emotions that hit me as he argued with himself. That was the only time he had allowed me to throw him off topic during a lecture. Yes, Grandma Death was obviously the most dangerous being to ever exist, but she’d do anything the Boss wanted, which made him the second most dangerous through granted power. One request from him, and all existence could be rewritten.
As I continued to amuse myself with thoughts of my chats with the Boss, I assured Messy and Four “You’ll see soon enough. I just came up with some new uses for plants.”
Part of my mind was working on more efficient ways to create bioelectric charges. Being able to create a power plant from someone’s lunch or shirt was tickling my imagination. If the Boss allowed me to create a bioelectric power plant on the property, I’d only ever have to funnel the energy during our battles. I sighed as I accepted that Momma Emma would probably have to stabilize things. I still struggled with keeping the demonic energy from the plants I manipulated. Even a small fragment of that power could alter my creations in unwanted ways. Of course, that same power could also enhance energy production, but I didn’t want to create a nightmare engine. Most beings interpreted demonic energy as nightmarish.
“Great.” muttered Four as he glanced up at me.
I shrugged for Messy’s benefit. Out of all of my friends, Messy was the best equipped to understand why I liked finding new ways to entertain myself. She was one of Death’s daughters, meaning she easily had as much free time on her hands as I did, but she still wasted her mental energies on worrying rather than fun things, like an electric cannon. I had this great image of polarized roots extending under my targets while the “cannon” aimed. Though using that on someone would be excessive, I was looking forward to seeing how my friends reacted to me blowing something up with it. I already had a tally going for the rules they could potentially impose on me. I was going to have sooo much fun with my new toys.
Watching as Valeria, Doc, and Dea—who started with a sort of male space elf look and changed to look like a female klingon from Star Trek after only an hour—as they added logs, rocks, and sticks to the super basic cart we built, I couldn’t help grinning to myself. Without my magic telling me there was nothing actually there, I wouldn’t be able to tell that the sleigh and resources weren’t real.
:I’m still jealous that you’re an engineer!: complained Aika while giving us an image of her performing akanbe, pulling down her eyelid while sticking her tongue out at me.
:What she said!: agreed Maimo immediately. Where Aika was on security detail, Maimo was assigned the role of electrician, which would add a bunch of info we already knew to her HUD when looking at circuitry. Worse yet for her, she only really could use her profession if something broke or if we played so much that we could advance our camp from suuuper basic to using basic electricity, which wouldn’t be happening on this trip with the time we had left.
My sisters and I designed these suits and described what we wanted in the game to Momma Mila with the idea that this could be another game for us to play at home, but we couldn’t resist having a field test when we were reminded of the camping trip!
:I can’t complain at all. Getting to see Aspy attempt to fire an assault rifle was amazing!: insisted Maika with a mental laugh to us all as she replayed what she could remember for us again.
There was a great deal of discussion about what types of weapons to allow in our game. All four of us could easily build an actual laser weapon, but there were numerous issues with actually using one. None of us knew a way to create a viable, tiny power supply for a weapon that wouldn’t be far too heavy. Battery packs could work, but we weren’t great at creating power gauges that were accurate enough for our tastes, which was also an issue for other electronic weaponry.
Despite the dramatically increased weight, typical projectile weapons used ammo that was far easier to reproduce with the simple technologies left to us after the Artemis V crashed. Yes, we could harvest the escape pod for some electronic components, but no one would really want to risk disabling their emergency beacon by draining all of the power from the pod. Creating a precision charging table with a stable power flow would take a whole lot of work compared with mixing some primers and gunpowder, creating projectiles, and reusing the casings.
:You’re oversimplifying things.: argued Maimo, who had been a big proponent of using electronic weapons. They did make far more sense on a spaceship for the reduced weight, but we designed this game with the intention of being stranded and wanted some things to be simple-ish. :Yeah-yeah. I lost the argument.: she sulked in response to my thoughts.
“What’s this?” questioned Valeria as she held out a large, red log that was seeping a glowing, orange substance.
I grinned in excitement, making sure my sisters saw what she held. “Are there more of those trees in the area?” I asked hopefully, knowing that this may be one of the “unique properties of certain plants” Momma Mila mentioned during our designing phase. She had hinted that there may be a viable bioelectric power source on this planet. The idea that a plant might produce enough current to potentially run some electronics was intriguing! I could feel my sisters waiting for Valeria’s reply with as much eagerness as I felt.
“Not that I saw.” replied Valeria with a shrug. “It’s pretty though, right?”
There was just a moment where I almost pulled a Crazy and gave in to ranting about the possibilities, but I resisted. “We should be on the lookout for more unusual plants such as that for our botanist to examine.” I replied, glad to see that Doc and Dea heard me. Seeing Dea carrying a log that I doubted I could lift, I almost commented on that being an inhuman feat, but Dea was still a klingon in appearance. Considering the varying levels of strength klingons displayed, I couldn’t decisively state that carrying so much would be impossible for a klingon.
:Maybe we should ask Momma Mila for her opinion later.: suggested Aika, who felt like she was frowning in thought. Her thoughts were partially coming to us, but she wasn’t openly sharing, which probably meant she was debating with herself about klingons before letting us know if she had a solid answer.
Doc, who had also been watching Dea’s feat of strength, commented “If this game could support my magic, I could complete things much more quickly too.”
Dea just smirked at her before adding another large log to the cart. “We’re going to have to get this much to base camp, or things will just be spilling out as we try to pull it.”
“Nothing could roll out if I could use my magic.” complained Doc before she sighed and crawled on top, acting as if she was going to hold things in place.
I couldn’t really blame her. Strength-wise, Doc couldn’t compete with any of us. Dea could do amazing things with her body to increase her abilities in different ways. I was naturally stronger than a human due to my Slayer heritage, and Valeria put us all to shame, being a vampire. In short order, our first load was back to camp.
I grinned as I looked around for dangerous beasties, being the appointed security guard for my squad. Ella was busy designing lodgings out of the available flora… and some rocks. I couldn’t tell if any of what I was seeing was real due to the suit. Most of the trees had blue bark and violet leaves. The grass was somewhere between pink and red. Then there were these weird tendrils that Maika claimed were part of a carnivorous plant. The quadruplets always made neat gadgets, but getting to use an augmented reality suit in an actual forest clearly put this among their top creations!
“Aspy, on your left!” exclaimed Ella from where she was working.
I whirled and shot the moment I saw the vibrant red fur of a wolf-like creature with hard-looking plates instead of fur. Instead of the Star Wars like blaster bolts I had been expecting, the gun kicked in my hand and sounded like an ordinary gun. Orange blood squirted onto my visor as I was knocked to the ground—which amazed me, given that none of this was real. I rolled to the side and shot again, but missed.
“Behind you!” came Ella’s warning again.
A second wolf-like beastie was already leaping at me, so I rolled to the side, shooting after it. “Head up a tree!” called Maika. “The scarlet wolves can’t climb!”
I didn’t argue, stepping off one of my platforms and leaping onto the tree. “Woops. Sorry.” I apologized, realizing that I shouldn’t be using magic during our AR game.
“It happens.” replied Maika, who was still grinning from the fun. She and Ella each had their own tree nearby.
“What are we supposed to do now?” I questioned as I watched the wolves below us.
“You have a gun, so shoot them!” exclaimed Maika, sounding as if she thought I was being silly.
“The gun bounces too much! How am I supposed to hit anything?” I asked, guessing she was underestimating how difficult this was.
“Momma Mila did the coding, so you can complain to her if you want, but I’m sure it’s just more realistic than you’re used to, given that we asked her to try making things as realistic as possible.” explained Maika with a tone that clearly said this was not her problem.
I did my best to balance on my branch and fire, but I nearly fell off. Worse yet, I didn’t come particularly close to hitting anything. Maybe this gun was meant for someone who was stronger than me. “I think you should add a training course pre-game.”
Maika called back “Probably. We’ll talk with Momma Mila about it, but make sure to submit a suggestion at the end! We have a questionnaire!”
“Are we allowed to fight those?” asked Ella, who might have forgotten about why she was in a tree until she looked down again. Whatever my difficulties, she had to be struggling even more with so much new stuff thrown at her.
“They’re stronger than they look, but you’re free to try!” replied Maika, who sounded like she was curious about what would happen. “No magic, Ella! This game doesn’t have a spell system.”
If Ella replied, I didn’t hear it come through on the suit’s communicator. Seeing a wolf notice her as she climbed down, I started shooting again, trying to keep all of them distracted, but I really didn’t think holding the gun steady and staying in the tree were possible, at least without using magic.
I also had forgotten about having limited ammo, and had to follow the information on my HUD to reload, which wouldn’t be an issue from relative safety if Ella wasn’t already on the ground. She started dodging attacks in almost typical Ella fashion, but she seemed thrown off. I could guess why. Part of what helped Ella in real world fights was her Fey ability to sense living things. With nothing to sense, she was relying completely on her normal senses, which were currently being fed information from a suit.
By the time I was firing again, Ella had somehow gotten her hands on a thick stick and sharpened one end to a point. I noticed there were also a few more of the wolves that looked wounded, but even she hadn’t managed to kill one yet. These creatures were tough!
I managed to get a good shot off—nearly falling out of the tree again in the process—just after Ella stabbed a wolf. She stabbed again the moment the wolf looked to see what had hurt it, and this time her improvised spear went deep. The wolf howled in pain, and the others closed ranks in a circle around Ella, making them much easier targets for me as I started to shoot at any that were close together with bursts of fire. My aim was still abysmal, but I was doing some damage. One of the wolves even dropped without Ella stabbing it.
Somewhere during the fight, Maika had snuck out of her tree and made a spear of her own. She came out from behind one of the other trees, charging into the wolf with the point of her spear and even lifting the wolf a little off the ground. I wished I was that strong, but I was certain the quadruplets occasionally wished they were as strong as Four. As I kept firing, I realized it was a little funny that no one ever wished they were as strong as Messy or Crazy. I wasn’t actually certain how strong those two were physically. Knowing they were overwhelming was enough. With that kind of strength, I’d break stuff by accident way too often.
After the fifth wolf went down, the rest fled, leaving us with a bunch of meat! “Does this solve the food problem?” I asked with a smile after I was back on the ground.
“Nope.” stated Maika as she fiddled with some device.
“What!? Why not!?” I demanded, feeling disappointed despite knowing this wasn’t real.
“Their flesh is toxic to us. Unless we find a way to cook it that counteracts the toxin, we can’t eat any of these.” she explained, sounding a little disappointed herself.
“That’s just no fair!” I grumbled, despite sorta almost liking the challenge that gave us. I was looking forward to seeing what other types of creatures were here.
“If we can find more of these puppies, we could use the hide plates for shingles.” suggested Ella in a way that almost sounded hopeful. Almost defensively, she added “I’m supposed to be making shelter.”
Maika and I figured out a way to strip the tough plates off the wolves as Ella went back to making shelter. Instead of having to come up with a way to tan the plates, Maika had some neat tool that had some overly-complicated-sounding method of drawing out any moisture while cleaning the inside. Games certainly made some things convenient. Since we had an abundance of ammo, I did some shooting practice while trying to do a better job of being the lookout.
Watching Ben attempt to help Aspy, Crazy, and me cook breakfast was pretty funny, though I did my best not to even smile as he bumbled around, not wanting him to feel bad. Despite his age, Ben had very little experience cooking, which was more of a reminder that life in other homes was very different to mine than anything against Ben. His parents obviously loved him, and he didn’t seem like someone with any obvious instability in his life, being typically happy and self-confident. I couldn’t be way off the mark, having to mentally filter out his apprehension around us, but he seemed happy and confident when he relaxed.
Having seen how people react to my family on countless worlds gave me an edge over many of my friends as far as reading expressions. There were so many different faces between intelligent species that I doubted I’d ever be as capable at reading people as either of my parents, but I did believe myself to be better than average, as in average for all species I had met. If I considered the average in my nuclear family, I was probably at the bottom. Aid’s thermal sense and Fey telepathy were vastly superior to my water sense for reading people, and Four was weirdly good at it, considering he didn’t have any magical abilities to aid him. I suspected that our parents had given Four lessons.
On the first day, Ben’s whole family had been bewildered at how we cook while camping, but they were bewildered by most of our ways, which was perfectly understandable without access to someone who could simply create anything necessary with a thought. If we wanted, Messy would create an entire feast with a thought, but no one would learn anything that way. As things were, Messy created a kitchen area with wood-burning appliances, allowing us to practice controlling the heat with different types of wood provided for fuel.
As I pulled my scones from the oven, Ben was almost finished with the scrambled eggs. Aspy had a nice pile of different toasts buttered, a couple trays of bacon, and sausages that smelled amazing—he had made those sausages by hand with his father two weeks ago specifically for this trip.
I smiled to myself as I remembered his first time butchering an animal. The disgust on his face was priceless, not that I had been any better. In my defense, my first experience came shortly after my draconic grandmother dropped an eight ton vynaroth—a large creature somewhat similar to a buffalo in appearance—right next to me, wanting to see what my siblings and I could do with it. I understood now that a proper chef needed to be adaptable, finding the best ways to utilize new ingredients, but my brothers had dove into butchering the creature with far more gusto than my shocked mind could handle.
Pulling out the cinnamon rolls from a different oven, I found myself wondering how Ben would handle knowing that we regularly practiced butchering animals that had never actually been alive. Auntie Raine created the bodies, already dead. We practiced butchering as part of our cooking lessons to study anatomy, to have a better appreciation for where meat comes from, and to better understand the stages of preparing meat for cooking. Mother had personally taught my brothers and me to track creatures of all sorts, but even she didn’t want us to needlessly kill anything.
After serving food, Messy changed the kitchen area back to natural terrain, and we all gathered around in a big circle to chat and eat. No one commented about Ben’s attempt on scrambled eggs. They weren’t terrible, but he did need to work on making sure everything was cooked evenly. Some of the cheese was clumped up as well, instead of spread throughout. Crazy had given him pointers off and on, but she obviously hadn’t tried to push him to her standards, which was probably for the best.
We spent some time discussing what we were going to do today, but that’s mainly because the quadruplets had been holding out on us. They had been developing their own version of augmented reality suits with haptic features for the better part of two years, wanting a design that’d hold up to use in rough terrain for situations like our camping trips. Father had enchanted the suits to endure those of us who occasionally put more intense strain on clothing, though he sadly didn’t add additional enhancements.
Messy took care of duplicating the designs the quadruplets showed her, so Ben had a full suit as well. The suits looked like a sort of tight-fitting space suit with a bubble helm. After I had finished changing, I turned on the suit and found myself stepping out into a forest that looked like a slightly alien version of the same forest. The bark on the trees looked thicker, with deeper grooves, and now appeared to be a deep shade of blue. Instead of green, the leaves on most of the trees were violet.
A woman started speaking through the helm, going through a sort of health assessment before explaining that the Artemis V spacecraft had crashed, and I was one of the survivors. I found myself smiling as I listened to the survival mission’s explanation. There were going to be numerous types of fauna and flora for us to encounter, which probably meant that we’d have some fighting to do as part of this game.
“My suit’s too tight.” complained Deo, who now looked like an Asian boy with white hair, pink eyes, and pointed ears.
I rolled my eyes when he grinned at me. There were certainly times I envied Deo’s ability to adapt. The control he had over his body was incredible, and he never had to wonder what he’d look like when he grew up. As always, he’d appear as his mood guided him to appear.
As our A.I. assistant suggested, we divided into groups to accomplish different tasks. The quadruplets took turns pointing out features of our displays and explained that we each were assigned a backstory, including an education in various fields. During the explanation, I reached out to a plant, caressing a leaf that I was fairly certain wasn’t real. The haptic feedback was actually really good. Of course, making me feel like I was touching something through a suit was easier than trying to make me believe my skin was touching something it wasn’t, but the movement of the leaf seemed realistic for what I was feeling.
When Ben, who was assigned a security role, started looking over a firearm, I asked him to toss it to me, wanting to see how this would work. Again, I was impressed. There seemed to be a weight to the weapon. Realizing that I actually felt the relatively slight weight clear to my elbows, I took a moment to consider how the quadruplets managed to make the feeling real. Just before I asked, having almost given up, I realized that the suit might actually have technology inside it to move on its own, so weight could be replicated by the suit actually pushing down against my arms.
I tossed the weapon back after briefly looking at the information that popped up when I looked at it. Not being part of security, I got a warning message saying that I wasn’t authorized to use the firearm and that the firearm was locked.
With my thoughts still somewhat on the talk from last night, I was thankful that Ben was assigned to my group. Having security along was, of course, useful, but I was happier about getting more opportunity to observe, just in case Father actually intended for us to learn something from Ben.
Ben, Layla, Maimo, and I were assigned to foraging for food, finding water, and general exploration. As a xenobotanist, I was supposed to verify what plants would be edible. Instead of a weapon, my suit appeared to have some sort of scientific equipment strapped to a belt. We headed South, which was designated by the suit’s display as well as what I knew of the actual terrain.
To our surprise, the pond no longer looked like a pond. The suit was even canceling out the sound of the water. As I looked down into what I knew was water, I was seeing a large gap between two cliffs with land hundreds of feet below. Momma Mila had to have helped the quadruplets with the game software. Of course, that wasn’t unusual. I still felt impressed.
“Looks like finding water is going to be rougher than I thought.” commented Ben, staying over ten feet away from the edge.
“That’s for sure.” I commented, having never struggled to find water before. Still, I found myself smiling. This was going to be entertaining.
“What’s bothering you, Four?” questioned Messy. We were sitting down by the pond with everyone who didn’t need sleep, chatting by a floating fire that Aid was maintaining.
Glancing at the others, I said, “Nothing, really.”
“Liar.” stated Luce as she idly spun through the air, practicing her spells for flight.
“I’m not!” I argued, frowning when Aid gave me a flat stare. “I really don’t consider myself bothered! I will admit to feeling slightly confused… or maybe disappointed, but not bothered.”
Several of the others laughed.
“See, I’m just being silly. It’s nothing.” I told them again, letting out a sigh when I knew they didn’t believe me. Of course, they wouldn’t. They could literally feel what I’m feeling through my magic. Keeping myself calm was never the easiest trick, but I typically did better than this. I almost expected Father to whisk me away for a talk, but he didn’t.
Staring out at the pond as I gathered my thoughts, I knew the others weren’t going to drop this. I was perfectly aware that they cared about me, but there were times I didn’t really feel like discussing things. Wishing they would just let things drop wasn’t going to get me anywhere, so I stood and did my best to face them all.
“I can’t figure out why we met Ben.” I stated, watching their reactions.
Valeria’s confusion was perfectly understandable. She hadn’t been part of our family long enough to know that nothing in our lives happened by chance. My siblings looked more contemplative, probably thinking along more similar lines to me than even Messy was. As Death’s daughter, Messy was privy to information that I wasn’t, which afforded her very different views on things at times. I was doing my best not to even acknowledge Crazy right now, though I couldn’t help knowing she was grinning. There was a reasonable chance that Crazy had figured something out that I hadn’t even considered yet—she was absolutely brilliant—but there was an equal chance that she had formulated over a thousand misleading ideas that she’d want to share because they amused her. Crazy was simply too much like her grandmother to ever seek her advice.
“I really don’t think this is any sort of test.” offered Aid, breaking the silence.
Luce nodded, showing that she agreed. “I don’t think meeting him is about us. Father might have wanted us to meet Ben because Ben’s family needed some redirection. They were about to poach on Father’s land.”
“I agree that meeting Ben was probably more for his benefit than our own, but the adults didn’t swear Ben’s family to secrecy in any way. The Boss might have a dozen reasons for this encounter, he’s been influenced by my mother for Death knows how long.” added Messy with a cute frown.
Where I wouldn’t touch Crazy’s thoughts from a world away, I wished I could follow Messy’s. No matter what else happened, Messy was on my side. She also had no qualms about staring down Death and arguing, not that she ever really won, but Death did allow Messy to make a positive difference in the lives of others from time-to-time, probably with a million reasons we’d never know about.
“You worry too much.” stated Crazy, who was now barely a foot away from me, her eyes locked on my face. “The Boss will get whatever he wants to happen, and we will play our parts as he wants. Understanding what’s happening is fun, but we’re not going to do our parts any better or worse than was foreseen by practicing our frowns. Relax!!” She, thankfully gently, punched my arm.
I tensed up as her grin grew in size.
“Meeting Ben saved him from poaching as was mentioned. His family will spread tales of what they saw here to the other werewolves, and some of those tales will reach other therianthropes. The potential results of such rumors are well beyond us without more information. Since we haven’t bothered warning Ben, a werewolf, about the dangers of looking into magic he glimpses in the city, he might get into trouble eventually, but Portentia will probably be there before he gets injured. Ben’s nice. The Boss won’t let him be harmed.” Crazy looked around, meeting everyone’s eyes. “Messy was instructed to leave the bunker behind, so the Boss might be planning a Star Wars day without us.” She quickly held up her hands to forestall comments. “I know, he might be planning on including us too, but the adults didn’t join in yesterday. There’s a fair chance that he didn’t include them because he is letting them have a day of exciting mayhem. Furthermore, our camping trip isn’t near over. We’re missing waaay too many pieces for too much conjecture, though I have some fun ideas I can share!”
I quickly interrupted that Crazy train before it really took off. “Maybe a few, in a bit.” I told her, feeling a little curious. Crazy’s wild ideas could be quite amusing when they weren’t mind-blowing or utterly ridiculous. “I honestly didn’t consider Father’s plans for the bunker at all yet. You made some very good points.” I admitted, never wanting to deny Crazy her due. “Don’t you occasionally feel frustrated, knowing that there are bigger plans in motion with us as mere pawns in the game?”
“Nope.” she immediately stated, much to my surprise. “If the Boss isn’t giving me a lecture, I am doing just fine.”
That… actually made sense. Still, I wanted to do better than fine. Momma Emma was probably perfectly happy as long as her daughter didn’t destroy anything, but my parents had high standards. I frowned again as a thought occurred to me. I quite nearly let myself ask aloud what Momma Mila’s standards were like, but that question could garner an exceptionally convoluted answer. Momma Mila was a pandimensional A.I. working across countless worlds. Even Crazy couldn’t actually hope to accomplish more than a minuscule fraction of what Momma Mila did in a day. I dropped down to sit again. What did Momma Mila expect from her daughter?
Maybe I was too fixated on Father’s accomplishments. I knew Auntie Aaliyah and Momma Mila played enormous roles in my father’s company. He had told me before that he couldn’t have accomplished nearly as much in his life without them, but had I really acknowledged the fact that even my parents needed help in their endeavors? Those thoughts led me to wondering if this line of thought was part of Father’s plan. Maybe Crazy was right, and I worried too much.
“I think I’ve gotten the hang of this.” stated Ben as he did some more loops through the air. He really seemed to like the zoomies, not that I blamed him.
I had helped stabilize him a few times, catching him with my natural magic as needed, but werewolves had amazing reflexes. Considering that he had never tried flying around on any type of drone before, Ben was learning fast.
Having the same opinion on Ben’s progress as me, Four asked “Crazy, mind giving us more of a clearing?”
She gave Four a cheeky grin and a thumbs up before a large section of trees on both sides of the pond disappeared into the ground.
“That’s still a bit horrifying.” muttered Ben, realizing he had spoken aloud seconds after he said it.
“Why’s that?” asked Crazy from right behind him, causing Ben to stumble forward. She easily caught him before he could risk falling.
“What if there was… I dunno… a family of squirrels or something in one of those trees?” he asked nervously.
“Then you would have seen a splatter of blood!” exclaimed Crazy excitedly.
Messy appeared behind her and thumped her head without Crazy even attempting to dodge. “Crazy scared off all of the animals in the area while you were learning to fly, and I’m certain she checked for nests, burrows, and other animal homes before picking the location.”
“Messy hates fun.” replied Crazy, sticking her tongue out at Messy and grinning when Messy gave her a pointed glare. “No, she’s right. No harm done. I even helped the insects escape.”
“I hadn’t thought about them. How did you…” started Ben, stopping himself a moment after. “Nevermind. I’ll just tell myself it’s magic. You kids are a lot to wrap my head around.”
Grinning, Crazy said, “If you want something to wrap your head around, have you considered whether or not the trees will be the same trees after Momma fixes them? Each will be from the same seeds in the same spot. They’ll look the same, assuming she doesn’t make them better, but will they really be the same?”
“Makes them better?” questioned Ben.
“One of them had a bit of heart rot, which I doubt she’ll bring back. Momma doesn’t have as much love for fungi as she does for trees.” she explained as she watched him. “What do you think? Same trees or different trees?”
“Is this a trick question? If the tree grows from the same seed, it’s the same tree, isn’t it?” he asked with a frown.
“That’s the question.” encouraged Crazy, her grin widening.
“If you were reverted to a zygote and raised by your parents again, your personality would probably be somewhat different, given that your experiences would be different. Being genetically the same with a different personality would make you seem more like a copy to anyone who knew the old you, wouldn’t it?” suggested Messy, still staring at Crazy.
“Okay, so that is a bit weird to think about.” stated Ben, who was now frowning at the empty spots where trees had been.
“Right. The future you would have ended up different had you never met us. Ready for quidditch on zoomies?” asked Four for all our sakes.
Aspy wouldn’t be excitedly swinging his beater’s bat for long before getting bored.
“Sure.” stated Ben, though he glanced back at our quidditch pitch again. His surprise when the floating hoops appeared at both ends was a bit funny.
Four gave everyone a quick review of the rules, we split into teams—albeit larger than standard—and the game commenced. With the additional players, each team had two seekers instead of one. If any of us managed to catch Poppa Jarod’s devious snitch early enough, we’d quickly win.
Glancing at my team’s other seeker, Rona, I wondered if her experience in the air would be an advantage. Her eyesight was certainly better than mine, given that she was a wereraven. On the other hand, I’d know if the snitch passed behind me without having to see it. My psychometry wouldn’t allow me to miss anything near me for long.
Dea and Valeria were the opposing seekers. Though Valeria could certainly surpass Rona on sight and reflexes, she didn’t have as much experience flying as the rest of us, excluding Ben. I still felt we had the edge.
As the game progressed, I found myself enjoying the bludgers more than I had expected. There was something fun about having one of those odd balls suddenly veer my way, forcing me to dodge. At very least, they were far better than the snitch, which I had only caught sight of a couple times after what had to be at least twenty minutes. This was giving me new appreciation for why quidditch matches could take so long.
I dodged another bludger, shooting Aid a glare. He had purposefully batted at me. Given that we were on opposite teams, I felt a glare was appropriate, especially after seeing the ball spin back my direction. I dove down toward my brother, knowing that he’d happily bat the bludger at someone else, and ducked lower to move faster when I spotted the snitch skimming over the surface of the pond.
As I focused on the snitch, determined not to lose sight of it again, I trusted my teammates to keep me safe. The scores were fairly close, but we were down twenty points. If I just managed to catch the snitch, we’d win. I veered slightly to the left when Valeria came diving down beside me, looking just as determined as I felt. I saw through my psychometry when she nearly went into the water, but I didn’t have too much of a lead.
The snitch shot off over the grass and then flew straight up. Frustratingly, I missed the catch as I flew by it. As if sensing my approach—which it very well might have given that Poppa Jarod designed it—the snitch had stopped, letting my hand pass over it before daring around me and continuing its assent.
There was a blur of motion, and the game was called. Frowning, I used my ability to see what had just happened. Time reversed in my mind, and I saw Valeria backflip off her zoomie. Her eyes were fixed on the snitch before she finished sinking into a crouch on the ground. When she sprang up, the ground sank slightly, stealing some of her momentum, but she still shot up plenty fast to grab the snitch from the air. I sighed, knowing that I’d never catch up to a vampire on agility or superhuman strength.
After the match, we spent some time discussing ways we might improve the rules for our particular group, such as allowing magic for those of us who barely qualified for having a superhuman physique. Catching the snitch with my telekinetic power would have been easy, but directly affecting the balls with magic was quickly ruled right out. Then we ruled out fully caging the balls with magic, though blocking one direction was deemed okay.
The discussion continued for quite some time, largely thanks to a tangent debate over why wands weren’t part of standard quidditch games in Harry Potter. Even Ben contributed to the discussion, excited at the prospect of seeing wizards of that world dueling one another as part of a quidditch game. Things would certainly be interesting. By the end of the discussion, Four had decided to ask his dad about enchanting the quidditch balls to further enhance their speed and allow the bludgers to ram through magical obstacles. We’d certainly be trying this again eventually.
“That Star Wars enactment was the coolest thing I’ve ever done.” insisted Ben over breakfast, still grinning from the memories.
I couldn’t blame him. I was still a beginner too at some of the games my friends played, since we didn’t have the same traditions at the French branch. I blamed Maman more than my aunt or uncle, because things were typically her fault. For a moment, I wondered what Ben would do if he realized I was just a projection, and that the real me was back in France. I let the thought go though. There was no need to tell him.
“You should see what it’s like when the adults get involved. The Boss has this amazing Darth Vader costume, and Momma Alma typically joins the Jedi in one of her costumes to balance things out.” explained Aspy, equally excited despite having done these enactments countless times.
Having seen the Boss teach our morning classes, I could understand why Aspy was excited.. The Boss would be a terrifying monster as Darth Vader in battle. I couldn’t even guess how many telekinetic spells he could control at once to emulate using the Force, and I had no doubt he was a master with a lightsaber, being the primary teacher at the main branch.
Crazy smiled in an almost friendly way as she said, “Auntie Raine usually helps the Jedi too, so the Jedi really have a slight advantage for most battles at home, though none of the others should be taken lightly either. Layla helped us take a win in the last battle with her Force Cloak technique, which was awesome and hilarious!”
“I couldn’t believe Jarod was that guy in white! He was one scary Jedi!” insisted Rona.
“Dad’s a goofball.” retorted one of the quadruplets.
“Brilliant and extremely dangerous as an opponent, but a goofball.” agreed another one.
“He’s the head of the group designing the tech for Best Friend For Hire’s numerous subsidiaries.” explained Doc to Ben, seeing that he wasn’t recognizing the name.
“Oh, wow.” stated Ben, who was clearly impressed now. “Is he the one behind that one restaurant that supposedly knows what you want to eat?”
“You have eaten at the Intergalactic House of Awesome Sauce?” questioned half of my friends at once.
Ben looked a little embarrassed. “I’ve heard it’s really expensive.”
“Here. Go with your family sometime.” stated Messy as she handed over little papers.
Ben’s eyes widened as he looked at what she was handing him. “Are these real? That place has coupons!?”
“Perfectly valid.” Messy assured him. “Mother allows me to hand them out when I want. She’s a co-owner. You should get the app on your phone. Discounts pop up regularly to make things more reasonable.”
“I’m sure my parents will love to go. We’ve heard some really crazy stuff about that place!” insisted Ben. “I guess you guys already know, having been there. Does the floor plan really change daily?”
“Dad has all sorts of theories about how that’s done, such as ginormous sublevels housing the furniture. He has one model where the whole place is segmented out and demonstrated how it could rearrange itself at the push of a button.” explained the third quadruplet.
Then the fourth said, “He also has various theories about ways the restaurant could scan patrons to figure out your cravings.”
“The weirdest stuff he’s made to test his theories were created to try explaining how the delivery orders are made. Not only does the restaurant seem to know what you’re craving, but it predicts when you’ll order, having your food at your door by the time you’re finished ordering.” commented the second quadruplet, looking way too serious.
“As cool as all of that sounds, I recommend the pillows he makes.” insisted Layla, sounding as if she was tempted to go lay down right now. “They are the softest, most cuddly pillows you’ll ever find.”
The first of the quadruplets nodded before saying, “Aurora spent months testing the original models and contributed to the project too.”
Seeing that Ben wasn’t nearly as interested in the pillows as he was in the restaurant, I decided to change the topic. “The pillows are fantastic, but what’s our plan for today?”
Ben glanced at me when I spoke, but quickly looked away. I got the impression that he wasn’t comfortable with what I could do, as if I was even close to the level of oddness some of my friends possessed. He really didn’t need to find out my actual body wasn’t nearby.
“No clue how to top what we’ve done.” stated Ben, who was obviously back to thinking about being a Jedi. “You guys don’t play quidditch, do you?”
“Nah. Our flight spells aren’t the greatest for imitating broom flight in Harry Potter, and not everyone can recover from a bad fall well.” replied Aspy with a frown.
“Father probably wouldn’t mind enchanting brooms to properly mimic the ones from Harry Potter.” considered Four aloud.
“We could use the zoomies instead of brooms.” suggested Messy. “I can probably come up with a spell to emulate the balls without too much work.”
“No need!” exclaimed one of the quadruplets, looking a bit too excited. “Dad helped us make drones that do that years ago when we tried playing the ground version.”
“You still have those?” asked Messy in surprise.
“Of course!” exclaimed another of the quadruplets.
“Without the enchantment from back home to hide us, we’ll have to keep things below tree level, but I’m not opposed.” stated Four, giving us a nod of approval.
“The bludgers won’t actually hit hard enough to break bone, will they?” questioned Ben, now sounding a bit worried.
“Nah. Dad made these ones with a squishy exterior. They charge you and shove more than ram.” explained a third of the quadruplets. “He was a bit overprotective for a while.”
Ben nodded, but then asked, “Okay, so what if I get knocked off my broom… er… zoomy?”
This was followed by the quadruplets giving waaay too much info about how the zoomies worked to keep their riders balanced, but Ben still looked dubious.
“Don’t worry so much. If you’re going to take a bad spill, one of us will catch you. Even if we somehow failed at that, Auntie Raine would catch you. I’m quite certain that she’s keeping an eye on us.” stated Messy with obvious confidence.
I certainly didn’t doubt her. I was always more curious about how she and Crazy could stand going as slow as the rest of us after seeing how fast they were. A little more discussion took place before Ben was convinced that his own idea would be a good one, but we did get there by the time everyone was finished eating. I was looking forward to seeing how this would work.
Best Friend For Hire 